it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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