I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
