I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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