I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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