I cockslap morals
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
