This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
