I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
