When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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