He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
