You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
