so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what day is it and did you see me today?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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