Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
