Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
