If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
