Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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