she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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