Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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