I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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