I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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