I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
