Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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