The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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