Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
