So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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