Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
