My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
