i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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