I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
