I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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