I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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