I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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