btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
