ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
