When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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