whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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