Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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