Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
