She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
