Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
