jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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