So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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