My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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