The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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