just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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