It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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