They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
