Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
