whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
