david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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