I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
