i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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