just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
