cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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