My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
