i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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