hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
