I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.