i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks