hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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