I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
