we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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