My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
