We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
