So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
