i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
