I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
