I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Never joke about your clitoris.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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