That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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