she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
