I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
