roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
