Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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