so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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