how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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