You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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