yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
