Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
