Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize