bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
