I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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